random jokes! (click on this dumbo)

[Succubus]

b4 i post the jokes i would like to give all the credit to thes jkes to rv! (the kinng, u actually started the jokes, thanks)

Doctor: U look exactly like my third wife.
Lady: How many wives do u have?
Doctor: Two.

[Succubus]

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming,she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. This tall, tanned and built guy with jet black eyes starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.

No one moves. As this man approaches, the woman begins to get excited. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this."

[Succubus]

Two blondes walk into a building

You'de of thought the second one would have seen it

[Succubus]

A man walked into a bank, got in line and when it was his turn he pulled out a gun and robs the bank.
But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me Rob this Bank?"

The customer replies, "Well, yes!"

The bank robber raises his gun, points it at his head and shoots him.
He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID ... YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB... THIS... BANK?"
The man calmly responds, "No, but my wife did."

[Succubus]

urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's a blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?"

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark.":woot:

[Succubus]

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

[Succubus]

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
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The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
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The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some yea! rs later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
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The monks gain accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
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That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
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The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
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The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
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The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.
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> > >The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns an knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
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The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now amonk. We shall now showyou the way to the sound.
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The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door.
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The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key?
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The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
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Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.
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The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,....
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.......silver, topaz, and amethyst.
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Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door.
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The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
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* But I can't tell you what it is because
you're not a monk. *
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>*DONT HUNT ME DOWN COS I'M STILL HUNTING THE
>person who told me this story.....

[Succubus]

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton's asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

[Succubus]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed......

"YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked,

"What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching!"

Moral - not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!

[Succubus]

These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi . com These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and
spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY
,THEY ARE
1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY
TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})


i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate
ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")


my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )


iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)


hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'.
i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)


Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.
(Zebra..???)