random jokes! (click on this dumbo)
Re: random jokes! (click on this dumbo)
by Succubus » Sat Aug 08, 2009 11:11 am
ANGER MANAGMENT!
You know when you occasionally have a really bad day* and you just need to take it out on someone* don't take it out on someone you know* take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered* saying 'Hello.'
I politely said* 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear* 'Get the right f *** ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her* I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her* I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone* I yelled* 'You're an asshole!' and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it* and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks* when I was paying bills or had a really bad day* I'd call him up and yell* 'You're an asshole!'
It always cheered me up.
Then Caller ID was introduced* I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.
So* I called his number and said* 'Hi* this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID program?'
He yelled* 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said* 'That's because you're an asshole!' and hung up.
One day I was at the store* getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot* but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window* so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later* right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial)* I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole* too. I
said* 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said* 'Yes* it is.' I asked*
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said* 'Yes* I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd* in Fairfax. It's a yellow duplex* and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked* 'What's your name?'
He said* 'My name is Don Hansen.'
I asked* 'When's a good time to catch you* Don?'
He said* 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said* 'Listen* Don* can I tell you something?'
He said* 'Yes?'
I said* 'Don* you're an asshole!'
Then I hung up* and added his number to my speed dial* too. Now* when I had a problem* I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea.
I called asshole #1; he said* 'Hello.'
I said* 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked* 'Are you still there?'
I said* 'Yeah.'
He screamed* 'Stop calling me.'
I said* 'Make me.'
He asked* 'Who are you?'
I said* 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said* 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said* 'Asshole* I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd* in Fairfax* a yellow duplex* I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said* 'I'm coming over right now* Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said* 'Yeah* like I'm really scared* asshole*' and hung up. Then I called Asshole #2. He said* 'Hello?'
I said* 'Hello* asshole.'
He yelled* 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said* 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed* 'I'll kick your ass!'
I answered* 'Well* asshole* here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.' Then I hung up and immediately called the police* saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd* in Fairfax* and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six
cop cars* an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
You know when you occasionally have a really bad day* and you just need to take it out on someone* don't take it out on someone you know* take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered* saying 'Hello.'
I politely said* 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear* 'Get the right f *** ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her* I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her* I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone* I yelled* 'You're an asshole!' and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it* and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks* when I was paying bills or had a really bad day* I'd call him up and yell* 'You're an asshole!'
It always cheered me up.
Then Caller ID was introduced* I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.
So* I called his number and said* 'Hi* this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID program?'
He yelled* 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said* 'That's because you're an asshole!' and hung up.
One day I was at the store* getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot* but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window* so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later* right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial)* I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole* too. I
said* 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said* 'Yes* it is.' I asked*
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said* 'Yes* I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd* in Fairfax. It's a yellow duplex* and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked* 'What's your name?'
He said* 'My name is Don Hansen.'
I asked* 'When's a good time to catch you* Don?'
He said* 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said* 'Listen* Don* can I tell you something?'
He said* 'Yes?'
I said* 'Don* you're an asshole!'
Then I hung up* and added his number to my speed dial* too. Now* when I had a problem* I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea.
I called asshole #1; he said* 'Hello.'
I said* 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked* 'Are you still there?'
I said* 'Yeah.'
He screamed* 'Stop calling me.'
I said* 'Make me.'
He asked* 'Who are you?'
I said* 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said* 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said* 'Asshole* I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd* in Fairfax* a yellow duplex* I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said* 'I'm coming over right now* Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said* 'Yeah* like I'm really scared* asshole*' and hung up. Then I called Asshole #2. He said* 'Hello?'
I said* 'Hello* asshole.'
He yelled* 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said* 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed* 'I'll kick your ass!'
I answered* 'Well* asshole* here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.' Then I hung up and immediately called the police* saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd* in Fairfax* and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six
cop cars* an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
- Succubus
- Posts: 143
- Joined: Sun May 17, 2009 8:23 am
Re: random jokes! (click on this dumbo)
by Succubus » Sat Aug 08, 2009 11:11 am
A man goes to the doctor's office,say's his elbow is sore.The doctor take's a brief glance at the elbow and say's,"Hmmm.,well,we have a new technolidgy to diagnose problems.It is experimental,however it is incredibly accurate.So,would you like to give it a try?" The man responds,"Sure,why not." The doctor asks the man to follow him into another room,where there was a big machine sitting,the doctor then hands the man a small cup,tells him to fill the cup up with urine.The man went off to the bathroom with the cup,returns a few minutes later with the sample as the doctor had asked.
The doctor takes the sample,walks over to the machine and pours it in.A few lights blink,and a few computer sounds were made,then the machine prints out a piece of paper.The doctor says,"Well,it says here you have tennis elbow sir." The man says,"But doctor,I don't even play tennis,how can this be????"The doctor seeing the man was clearly flustered decided to say,"Well,this machine is experimental still,but the most accurate reading's come from an early morning urine sample.I want you to take this cup home,first thing in the morning I want you to pee in the cup,then come strait here,ok." The man agreed,then took the cup and went home.
The next morning the man woke up and decided he was going to mess with the "machine" and play a trick on it.He gets his wife to pee in the cup,then his daughter then he drained a little oil out of his car into the cup,to top it off he masterbaited into the cup.He arrived to the doctor and handed him the cup with a big smile on his face.The doctor took the cup and dumped it into the machine.
Immediately the machine went beserk,buzzers going off,lights flashing,whistles going off then a long piecee of paper comes out.The doctor grabs the paper and read's,"Well it say's here,your wife's screwing the nieghbor,your daughter's pregnant,your car need's an oil change and if you don't quit masterbaiting you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow!
The doctor takes the sample,walks over to the machine and pours it in.A few lights blink,and a few computer sounds were made,then the machine prints out a piece of paper.The doctor says,"Well,it says here you have tennis elbow sir." The man says,"But doctor,I don't even play tennis,how can this be????"The doctor seeing the man was clearly flustered decided to say,"Well,this machine is experimental still,but the most accurate reading's come from an early morning urine sample.I want you to take this cup home,first thing in the morning I want you to pee in the cup,then come strait here,ok." The man agreed,then took the cup and went home.
The next morning the man woke up and decided he was going to mess with the "machine" and play a trick on it.He gets his wife to pee in the cup,then his daughter then he drained a little oil out of his car into the cup,to top it off he masterbaited into the cup.He arrived to the doctor and handed him the cup with a big smile on his face.The doctor took the cup and dumped it into the machine.
Immediately the machine went beserk,buzzers going off,lights flashing,whistles going off then a long piecee of paper comes out.The doctor grabs the paper and read's,"Well it say's here,your wife's screwing the nieghbor,your daughter's pregnant,your car need's an oil change and if you don't quit masterbaiting you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow!
- Succubus
- Posts: 143
- Joined: Sun May 17, 2009 8:23 am
Re: random jokes! (click on this dumbo)
by Succubus » Sat Aug 08, 2009 11:11 am
For his final project in a statistics class, a student decided to conduct a survey. So it wouldn’t be a boring project, he chose to find out peoples’ favorite pastimes. The teacher required that he sample at least 100 people, so he started out his project visiting a fairly large apartment building near the university.
He knocked on the first door and a man answered.
“Sir, what is your name ?” ; asked the student
“John” ,
“Sir, I’m doing a school study and would like to know what is your favorite pastime ?”
“Watching bubbles in bath,” came the reply. He liked the esoterical answer and continued down the hall, until he came to the next door, when he asked again.
“Sir, what is your name ?”
“Jeff!” ,
“Sir, Would you please tell me your favorite pastime ?”
“Watching bubbles in bath,” was the answer.
Quite amused and confused he went on to ask a good number of people in the building and and all of them had the same pastime “watching bubbles in bath”.
He left the building and walked across the street where there were several row houses to continue the survey.
At the first house, he knocks and an attractive college girl opens the door.
Our surveyor starts again – “What is your name?”
“Bubbles!”
He knocked on the first door and a man answered.
“Sir, what is your name ?” ; asked the student
“John” ,
“Sir, I’m doing a school study and would like to know what is your favorite pastime ?”
“Watching bubbles in bath,” came the reply. He liked the esoterical answer and continued down the hall, until he came to the next door, when he asked again.
“Sir, what is your name ?”
“Jeff!” ,
“Sir, Would you please tell me your favorite pastime ?”
“Watching bubbles in bath,” was the answer.
Quite amused and confused he went on to ask a good number of people in the building and and all of them had the same pastime “watching bubbles in bath”.
He left the building and walked across the street where there were several row houses to continue the survey.
At the first house, he knocks and an attractive college girl opens the door.
Our surveyor starts again – “What is your name?”
“Bubbles!”
- Succubus
- Posts: 143
- Joined: Sun May 17, 2009 8:23 am
Re: random jokes! (click on this dumbo)
by Succubus » Sat Aug 08, 2009 11:12 am
A girl says to her doctor, “You have to help me. I hurt all over.”
She touches her right knee with her index finger and says, “Ow! That hurts.”
She touches her left cheek with her index finger and says, “Ouch! That hurts, too.”
She touches her right earlobe with her index finger and says, “Ow! Even that hurts.”
The doctor says, “Are you a natural blonde?”
She replied, “Yes.”
The doctor says, “You have a sprained finger.”
She touches her right knee with her index finger and says, “Ow! That hurts.”
She touches her left cheek with her index finger and says, “Ouch! That hurts, too.”
She touches her right earlobe with her index finger and says, “Ow! Even that hurts.”
The doctor says, “Are you a natural blonde?”
She replied, “Yes.”
The doctor says, “You have a sprained finger.”
- Succubus
- Posts: 143
- Joined: Sun May 17, 2009 8:23 am
Re: random jokes! (click on this dumbo)
by Succubus » Sat Aug 08, 2009 11:12 am
Vampire Jokes
1. Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay.
2. Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank.
3. Q: What does a baby bat say before going to bed?
A: Turn on the dark. I'm afraid of the light.
4. Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula's terror-tory.
5. Q: Where does Dracula water ski?
A: On Lake Erie.
6. Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels.
7. Q: Which part of a restaurant don't vampires go in?
A: The non-Suckers section.
8. Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own
A: Blood vessel.
9. Q: Why doesn't anyone like Count Dracula?
A: He's a pain in the neck.
10. Q: What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?
A: Vampire camfire.
11. Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone?
A: "Hello, pleased to eat you.
12. Q: How do vampires drive around?
A: In their bloodmobiles.
13. Q: What is Dracula's position in baseball?
A: Batboy.
14. Q: Who is the Dracula's super hero girl friend?
A: Bat Ghoul.
15. Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building.
16. Q: Why did Dracula go to jail?
A: Because he robbed the blood bank.
17. Q: What's a vampire's favorite feast?
A: Fangsgiving Day dinner.
18. Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.
19. Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.
20. Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire & a computer?
A: A know-it-all, that's really a pain in the neck.
21. Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building.
22. Q: Who is a vampire likey to fall in love with?
A: The girl necks door.
23. Q: What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It's a pain in the neck.
24. Q: How can you tell if a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: The jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
25. Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes.
26. Q: Was Dracula ever married?
A: No he's a bat-chelor.
27. Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.
28. Q: What did the kid vampire say to his mommy at night?
A: "Mommy, turn off the switch. I'm afraid of the light.
29. Q: What is worst than a hungry vampire?
A: A thirsty vampire.
30. Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold?
A: Coffin Drops.
31. Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
A: Blood Light.
32. Q: What is the favorite test that vampires love to take?
A: A blood test.
33. Q: What is a vampire's favorite game?
A: Bat-miton.
34. Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine.
35. Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood.
36. Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: He had bat breath.
37. Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula.
A: Long distance.
38. Q: Why didn't Dracula get married?
A: He never met a nice Ghoul.
39. Q: What is Count Dracula's favourite snack?
A: A fang-furter.
40. Q: What is red, sweet and bites people?
A: A jampire.
41. Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.
42. Q: What was the Californian vampire hippy like?
A: He was ghoul man, real ghoul.
43. Q: What's a vampire's favourite sport?
A: Bat-minton.
44. Q: What happened to the mad vampire?
A: He went a little batty.
45. Q: What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day?
A: A coffin break.
46. Q: How does a vampire like his food served?
A: In bite sized pieces.
47. Q: Why did the vampire take up acting?
A: It was in his blood.
48. Q: Who plays centre for the vampire football team?
A: The ghoulscorer.
49. Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail?
A: I don't know but it would slow him down.
50. Q: Which vampire ate the three bears porridge?
A: Ghouldilocks.
51. Q: What's a vampire's favourite drink?
A: A bloody mary.
52. Q: What's a vampire's favourite dance?
A: The fangdango.
53. Q: Which vampire tried to eat James Bond?
A: Ghoul-finger.
54. Q: Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food?
A: He wanted something to get his teeth into.
55. Q: What happened at the vampires race?
A: It finished neck and neck.
56. Q: Where did vampires go to first in America?
A: New Fang-land.
57. Q: What happened at the vampires reunion?
A: All the blood relations went.
58. Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone?
A: A fangster.
59. Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had fang decay.
60. Q: What did the vampire say to the wolfman?
A: You look like your going to the dogs.
61. Q: What is the American national day for vampires?
A: Fangsgiving day.
62. Q: To learn more about Dracula what do you have to do?
A: Join his fang club.
63. Q: Why are vampire families so close?
A: Because blood is thicker than water.
64. Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite?
A: Veinilla.
65. Q: Why do vampires like school dinners?
A: Because they know they won't get stake.
66. Q: What's a vampire's favourite animal?
A: A giraffe.
67. Q: Why was the young vampire a failure?
A: He fainted at the sight of blood.
68. Q: What happened to the vampire who ate sheep?
A: He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
69. Q: What's Dracula's favourite coffee?
A: Decoffinated.
70. Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
A: A bite in shining armour.
71. Q: What does a vampire bath in?
A: A bat tub.
72. Q: What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?
A: Coffin medicine.
73. Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires?
A: Fang mail.
74. Q: What's Dracula's favourite soup?
A: Scream of tomato.
75. Q: What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
A: A bat mat.
76. Q: What do romantic vampires do?
A: Neck.
77. Q: What does a vampire say to the mirror?
A: Terror, terror on the wall....
78. Q: What is a vampire's favourite film character?
A: Batman.
79. Q: Why do people hate being bitten by vampires?
A: Because it's a drain in the neck.
80. Q: Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
A: He has a bat temper.
81. Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had a fang-ache.
82. Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They all come out at night.
83. Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A: Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.
84. Q: Why won't vampires drink chicken blood?
A: Because its fowl tasting.
85. Q: What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
A: Bloodhounds.
86. Q: When Dracula failed his math test the teacher said?
A: Can't you count Dracula.
1. Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay.
2. Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank.
3. Q: What does a baby bat say before going to bed?
A: Turn on the dark. I'm afraid of the light.
4. Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula's terror-tory.
5. Q: Where does Dracula water ski?
A: On Lake Erie.
6. Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels.
7. Q: Which part of a restaurant don't vampires go in?
A: The non-Suckers section.
8. Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own
A: Blood vessel.
9. Q: Why doesn't anyone like Count Dracula?
A: He's a pain in the neck.
10. Q: What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?
A: Vampire camfire.
11. Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone?
A: "Hello, pleased to eat you.
12. Q: How do vampires drive around?
A: In their bloodmobiles.
13. Q: What is Dracula's position in baseball?
A: Batboy.
14. Q: Who is the Dracula's super hero girl friend?
A: Bat Ghoul.
15. Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building.
16. Q: Why did Dracula go to jail?
A: Because he robbed the blood bank.
17. Q: What's a vampire's favorite feast?
A: Fangsgiving Day dinner.
18. Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.
19. Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.
20. Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire & a computer?
A: A know-it-all, that's really a pain in the neck.
21. Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building.
22. Q: Who is a vampire likey to fall in love with?
A: The girl necks door.
23. Q: What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It's a pain in the neck.
24. Q: How can you tell if a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: The jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
25. Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes.
26. Q: Was Dracula ever married?
A: No he's a bat-chelor.
27. Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.
28. Q: What did the kid vampire say to his mommy at night?
A: "Mommy, turn off the switch. I'm afraid of the light.
29. Q: What is worst than a hungry vampire?
A: A thirsty vampire.
30. Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold?
A: Coffin Drops.
31. Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
A: Blood Light.
32. Q: What is the favorite test that vampires love to take?
A: A blood test.
33. Q: What is a vampire's favorite game?
A: Bat-miton.
34. Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine.
35. Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood.
36. Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: He had bat breath.
37. Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula.
A: Long distance.
38. Q: Why didn't Dracula get married?
A: He never met a nice Ghoul.
39. Q: What is Count Dracula's favourite snack?
A: A fang-furter.
40. Q: What is red, sweet and bites people?
A: A jampire.
41. Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.
42. Q: What was the Californian vampire hippy like?
A: He was ghoul man, real ghoul.
43. Q: What's a vampire's favourite sport?
A: Bat-minton.
44. Q: What happened to the mad vampire?
A: He went a little batty.
45. Q: What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day?
A: A coffin break.
46. Q: How does a vampire like his food served?
A: In bite sized pieces.
47. Q: Why did the vampire take up acting?
A: It was in his blood.
48. Q: Who plays centre for the vampire football team?
A: The ghoulscorer.
49. Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail?
A: I don't know but it would slow him down.
50. Q: Which vampire ate the three bears porridge?
A: Ghouldilocks.
51. Q: What's a vampire's favourite drink?
A: A bloody mary.
52. Q: What's a vampire's favourite dance?
A: The fangdango.
53. Q: Which vampire tried to eat James Bond?
A: Ghoul-finger.
54. Q: Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food?
A: He wanted something to get his teeth into.
55. Q: What happened at the vampires race?
A: It finished neck and neck.
56. Q: Where did vampires go to first in America?
A: New Fang-land.
57. Q: What happened at the vampires reunion?
A: All the blood relations went.
58. Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone?
A: A fangster.
59. Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had fang decay.
60. Q: What did the vampire say to the wolfman?
A: You look like your going to the dogs.
61. Q: What is the American national day for vampires?
A: Fangsgiving day.
62. Q: To learn more about Dracula what do you have to do?
A: Join his fang club.
63. Q: Why are vampire families so close?
A: Because blood is thicker than water.
64. Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite?
A: Veinilla.
65. Q: Why do vampires like school dinners?
A: Because they know they won't get stake.
66. Q: What's a vampire's favourite animal?
A: A giraffe.
67. Q: Why was the young vampire a failure?
A: He fainted at the sight of blood.
68. Q: What happened to the vampire who ate sheep?
A: He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
69. Q: What's Dracula's favourite coffee?
A: Decoffinated.
70. Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
A: A bite in shining armour.
71. Q: What does a vampire bath in?
A: A bat tub.
72. Q: What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?
A: Coffin medicine.
73. Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires?
A: Fang mail.
74. Q: What's Dracula's favourite soup?
A: Scream of tomato.
75. Q: What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
A: A bat mat.
76. Q: What do romantic vampires do?
A: Neck.
77. Q: What does a vampire say to the mirror?
A: Terror, terror on the wall....
78. Q: What is a vampire's favourite film character?
A: Batman.
79. Q: Why do people hate being bitten by vampires?
A: Because it's a drain in the neck.
80. Q: Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
A: He has a bat temper.
81. Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had a fang-ache.
82. Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They all come out at night.
83. Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A: Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.
84. Q: Why won't vampires drink chicken blood?
A: Because its fowl tasting.
85. Q: What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
A: Bloodhounds.
86. Q: When Dracula failed his math test the teacher said?
A: Can't you count Dracula.
- Succubus
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