random jokes! (click on this dumbo)

[Succubus]

Husband asks,
Do u know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Evrytime!
WIFE on hearing this says,
it could also mean-With Idiot For Ever.

[Succubus]

A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.
Somehow the professor heard about the plan.
In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a pr*stitute makes $2000 per night."
All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."

[Succubus]

doctor can you help me out?
sure, which way did you come in?

doctor, i feel like curtains
well i'm going to have to open you up

a blonde walks into a docters for a checkup
the docter feels like having fun
so he gropes her breasts and says "do you know what i'm doing?"
she replies "checking for lumps"
he then starts having sex with her and repeats "what am i doing now?"
the blonde calmly replies "getting AIDs"

[Succubus]

Words for Women to Live By

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

9.. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

[Succubus]

Psychopath Test

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scrolldown to the bottom for the result.
This is not a trick question It is as it reads. No one I know has got it right.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing.. She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister? [Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below]















































Answer: She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.

Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.
If you didn't answer the question correctly, then good for you.


If you got the answer correct, please do not let me know

[Succubus]

The Dead Cow and Vet School

First-year students at Melbourne Uni Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a veterinarian: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing." he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor turned to them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

[Succubus]

A man 80 years of age married a young lady. A year later he carried her to the hospital, and she had a baby.
The nurse said to the man: "At your age, how do you do that?"
The man answered: "You just have to keep the motor running".
Another year passes, and the man carries her back to the hospital, another baby.
The same nurse said to the man and asked: "You are something else, how do you do that?". He said: "I told you that you just have to keep the motor running".
Another year and back to the hospital for another baby.
The same nurse said: "You are unbelieveable, how do you do that?!".
He said: "You got to keep the motor running".
She answered: "Well, you better change oil, because this one came out black".

[Succubus]

[1] if you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

[2] can you cry under water?

[3] how important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

[4] why do you have to "put your two cents in"... But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

[5] once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

[6] why does a round pizza come in a square box?

[7] what disease did cured ham actually have?

[8] how is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

[9] why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

[10] if a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

[11] why are you in a movie, but you're on tv?

[12] why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

[13] why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

[14] why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

[15] why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

[16] if jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

[17] can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

[18] if the professor on gilligan's island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

[19] why does goofy stand erect while pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

[20] if wile e. Coyote had enough money to buy all that acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

[21] if corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

[22] if electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

[23] do the alphabet song and twinkle, twinkle little star have the same tune?

[24] why did you just try singing the two songs above?

[25] why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

[26] did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

[Succubus]

Little Johnny’s teacher got up in front of the class and announced they were going to play a guessing game! The teacher said, “I have something behind my back. It’s red in color and round. It’s soft, but it’s hard.”

Johnny raised his hand and said, “I know, it’s a red rubber ball.” The teacher said, “No Johnny, it’s an apple, but I like the way that you think.”

The teacher grabbed another object and put it behind her back. “I have something behind my back. It’s orange in color and round. It’s soft, but it’s hard,” said Johnny’s teacher.

Johnny raised his hand again and said, “Teacher teacher, I know, it’s an orange rubber ball.” The teacher looked at Johnny and said, “No Johnny, it’s an orange, but I like the way that you think.”

Johnny was now getting the hang of it so he asked the teacher if he could try one. Johnny grabbed an object and put it behind his back and said, “I have something behind my back. It’s pink in color and it’s loooong. It’s soft, but it’s haaaard.”

The teacher, getting upset, yelled at Johnny, “Now Johnny, I’m going to have to tell the principal about this perverted behavior.” Johnny stopped her and said, “But, teacher, all I have is my pink eraser - but I like the way you think!”

[Succubus]

The Blondes at the college university felt like they just didn’t fit in. Everywhere on campus they felt rideculed and were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos out for sex. They wanted to feel like blondes belonged at the school.

A few of them pressured the administration to set up a new department especially for blondes. After much discussion, the university agreed and set up the Blonde Education Department.

The blondes were ecstatic. They now have a department of their own where they could gather without being ridiculed. The blonde college stundents finally felt like they belonged and were proud of it. They wanted other students to see that they weren’t just stupid bimbos, after all, they now had their own “department” at the university.

They now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education Department, which sports the saying: “I Belong in B.E.D.”