random jokes! (click on this dumbo)

[Succubus]

A woman invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the woman answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

[Succubus]

girl-fogive me father for i have sinned. priest-what did u do my child? girl- i called a man a SON OF A BlTCH. priest- why? girl- he touched my hand. priest- like this (he touches her hand) girl- yes. priest- thats no reason to call him a s.o.b girl- then he touched my breasts. priest- like this? girl-yes. priest- thats no reason to call him a s.o.b girl- then he undressed me. priest- like this? girl- yes. priest- ..... girl- then he did it with me. ....priest- like this (as he stuck his u know what in her u know where) girl- yes yes yes. priest- (after a few minutes) thats no reason to call him a s.o.b girl- but father he had aids! priest- THAT SON OF A BlTCH!

[Succubus]

HOW TO BE ANNOYING ONLINE..............




1. Make up fake acronyms. Online veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) or RTFM (read the fucking manual) to show that they're "hep" to the lingo. Make up your own that don't stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for ("You don't know that? RTFM").

2. WRITE YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON'T USE RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE. ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!! TO SHOW THAT YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!

3. When replying to your mail, correct everyone's grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don't otherwise respond to the content of their messages. when they respond testily to your "creative criticism," do it again. Continue until they go away.

4. Software and files offered online are often "compressed" so that they won't take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compression program and compress everything you send, including one-word e-mail responses like "Thanks."

5. Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them names like "SexyHousewivesI," then see how many people download it. Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-ons.


6. Join a discussion group and tie whatever's being discussed back to an unrelated central theme. For instance, if you're in a discussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observation that those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an important role. Within days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased as people write you threatening messages and instruct others to ignore you.


please dont do this in rv or else staff will get after me

[Succubus]

DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM



NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.


1. Last name:

(_) staff (_) taylor (_) olga (_) secy (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

2. First name:

(_) hopkins (_) dirty (_) russia (_) junkyard(_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

3. Age:

(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

4. ***: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable

5. shue Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason:

(_) Politison (_) milkman (_) newspaperboy (_) House wife (_) Un-employed

(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number that are yours: ___

9. Mather name: _______________________

10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leave blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other
-__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparessan :
____________________________

(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy
thumb impression also. Please
provide your own thumb impressan.)

PLEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use
your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on
lepht hand.

NOTE: IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.

WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

[Succubus]

1st i wanna say this might be a 2 or 3 part joke. so here goes. Bill clinton is visiting a school. in 1 class he asks if any1 can give an example of a "tragedy". 1 kid says "if my friend is playing in da street and a car ran over and killed him, that would be a tragedy" "no" clinton says "that would be an accident". another kid says "if a bus carrying 50 kids drove off a cliff killing every1 that would be a tragedy". "im afraid not" says clinton "that is what we call a great loss". continued on part 2

[Succubus]

....no1 else dares to answer. "what" says clinton "isnt there any1 who can give me an example?" finally a kid in da back raises his hand. in a timid voice, says "if an airplane carrying bill and hillary clinton was blown up by a bomb that would be a tragedy" "WONDERFUL!" clinton beams. "and can u tell me y that would be a tragedy" "well" says the kid. "because it wouldnt BE an ACCIDENT, and it certainly would NOT be a GREAT LOSS!" lmgdao i love this joke

[Succubus]

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa. She is half discovered, half wild.

Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America. Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan. Very hot, wise and beautiful

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France. She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany. She lost the war but not the hope.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia. Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England. With a glorious past but no future.

After 70, they become Siberia. "Everyone knows where is it, but no one want to go there."

[Succubus]

good:you're pregnant. bad: with triplets. ugly: your husband had a vasectomy 5 years ago. good: your son is maturing. bad: hes involved with the woman next door. ugly: so are you. good: your son is studying alot in his room. bad: you find porn movies in hidden in there. ugly:you're in them. good: your husband understands fashion. bad: hes a cross dresser. ugly: he looks better than you.

[Succubus]

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

"What size?" asks the clerk.

"Gee, I don't know."

"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch,
and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs
him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.

A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.

"What size?" The kid embarassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what
size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells "Clean up
in aisle 4!"

[Succubus]

how do u drown a blonde?




answer- glue a mirror on the floor of the pool



a man dresses in his night gown and looks out the widow before going to sleep. he turns off the lights and goes to bed he wakes up to find that 134 people are dead on the beach. how is it possible? what do u think happened?

answer- he lived in a lighthouse and when he turned off the lights ships ost track (and light) and crashed! lol